The Ultimate Championship!
Ok, I admit it;
it’s a crazy thought…but at least it’s a funny one! As unrealistic as it is,
it’s certainly better than the cause of this thought and for most people
it would bring a smile to your face, just thinking about it.
The other day I
was sitting in the airport just killing time. I threw a glance at the TV, the
sports channel to be exact (what crap they call ‘sports’, today), that was
running the worst of all garbage that you find on TV: “The Ultimate Fighting Championship”.
I don’t know if
you have ever watched it, but it’s basically two guys (only guys seem to be
stupid enough to do this) in a barbaric attack on each other where the only
thing you are not allowed to do is rip each
other’s eyes out with your fingers.
I don’t know
what it is that has sunk the human being so deep into decay that we revel in
inflicting pain, sadism, brutality and barbarism to each other, and marvel at
seeing each other screaming in pain. The worst of garbage on TV and an all out
extreme.
Then it was
that the thought hit me; how about, since it apparently has to be extreme, we
go to the other side of the ‘extreme’ scale? How about we get people
together and start an…”Ultimate Kissing Championship”? Wouldn’t that be
something??
People getting
together from all over this World, all psyched up and totally focused on one
common goal – to be crowned the undisputed King…of Kissing. Adrenaline rushing, hormones boiling over,
anger replaced with excitement, rushing into the arena stroking their victims’
cheeks as to get the best hand around the neck for a firm grip so they can get
the biggest, the best, the deepest, the most passionate kisses in, first.
Two competitors
in passionate embrace, exchanging kisses; tongue, no tongue, wet ones, dry
ones, deep kisses, superficial kisses, tricky ones (higher marks?) and basic
ones…any kind of kissing you can get away with….and every single one of them
televised globally!
Imagine the ramifications
of this. What you see on TV is only the Championship…but worldwide, people
actually have to train for this. All over this planet, people would suddenly
stop fighting and everybody would take up kissing instead. All of a sudden, the
futility of fighting would start sinking in through peoples thick skulls and we’d
discover the best, the fastest and the most pleasurable way to improve both our
own and every body else’s life, simply…through a kiss.
Drive-by
shootings would be a thing of the past. People would be sitting at the red
light in an intersection, in the middle of their own thoughts, and some other
car would race up, slam on the brakes, rush out to the other car and rip open
it’s doors and…rather than pump three bullets into the drivers brains…they
would put their hands around his neck and give him a big, juicy, smacking kiss,
right on his pucker. Then they would rush into their own car, again, and do a
burn-out as the car speeds away leaving the ‘victim’ baffled and wonderfully
excited.
I know kissing
is not a ‘macho’ thing to do, but I bet anything most women would be more
impressed with a sensational kisser than with a brain-dead butthead of a
violent gore.
Ok, it may not
be in my lifetime, but I think the whole idea of a globally acknowledged
Ultimate Kissing Championship is a wonderful one. We could divide this World
into various regions, sub-regions, divisions, etc, based on, say, intimacy,
just like FIFA does it for the World Cup in soccer/football. Ok, I guess the
politics of it we can always get done once the ideas take hold in people, but I
think it would be the biggest contribution that we as human beings could do for
our own survival.
Let me know your
thoughts on the issue, ok!
Be good to each
other. Go practice on your wife, your husband, your boyfriend, your girlfriend,
your lover, your f.w.b. Be a part of a new, global movement!
J
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