Krash the kitch'n

 I'm not really sure how to describe it, but my kitchen is more like...something between a laboratory (sometimes turned lavatory, when things don't work out), a research facility, an experimental dug-out and a highly efficient formula 2 race car. 

It might get messy on occasion, but it's always impeccably clean both before and after. It's a little bit like a surgeons' table when he's doing a by-pass operation on a cardiac patient. It's quite amazing to see, actually. 

You won't have 'the food' without 'the tools' and since you don't need many tools, get good quality ones. If you get something with high aesthetic value, you will love them like they were your own daughter, and if treated well they will last you a life time. Remember: Less is more and quality is worth investing in.

You should take as much pride in your cutting boards as you should in your knives (and treat both accordingly).

Unless you like to diet on  micro-plastics, stay far away from any type of PVC  'boards'. Glass and ceramics "boards" only dull your knives at a rapid pace, thru' banging them (your knives) into a hard surface repetitiously. Hardwood (like oak, etc) is your second best option but softwood (like cedar, etc) reigns supreme, so bring Mother Nature into your kitchen and experience the joy of working with natural materials. Just remember to oil any type of natural wood before you use it, to avoid stains. And then clean and dry immediately after use. Always!

Rolling pins. Don't buy the cheap ones (been there - done that). You are just not going to be happy with them. They don't roll smoothly, gunk gets stuck inside them, handles get wobbly or break alltogether, wood (the only product you ever want when we're talking rolling pins) is shitty quality. 

Spend those extra $ 20 and get a good one with ball bearings and it will last you a life time if you treat it well. $ 20 extra for a life time of happines and joy is a cheap price to pay.

Give the wood a good lather of oil before you use it and when absorbed, repeat the process. That's how you prevent it from getting stained. When the wood eventually starts drying out, oil it again.

Clean it immediately after use, in lukewarm water without soap, using a cloth or brush that doesn't scratch, and then dry it, to prevent ball bearings from oxydizing (getting rusty).

"I'm deeply apologetic"...but I just never learned how to do wonderbread. When you die from malnutrition, I'll still be rocking out in my wheelchair.

Doesn't it just make you wanna jump right in?

Onions, carrots, potatoes, ginger and then the delicious earthy flavour of beets. All fresh roots. I absolutely love it. Back to my roots, both literally and metaphorically. Greens? Green onions (obviously), parsley, cilantro. Fresh sourdough bread is in the oven.

If you are only ever going to buy two pots in your life time, make it a pressure cooker and a wok. Learn to use the pressure cooker and tell your lover boy to give you a large glass lid with a vent hole for the wok, for "ku-ris-su-ma-su", as the Japanese say. A pressure cooker, a lidded wok, a chef knife and a pairing knife and you are 90% set for life...in the kitchen. The last 10% are wooden utensils, the right cutting board and some mixing bowls plus a few (very few) other items. Anything other than that...you don't need.

It's about food safety and getting the perfect cook on your stuff, every time

That's right - razor blades. Nothing is as sharp as razor blades. Fabulous for scoring your bread. Downside? Quite limited life span. But I'll take that, given the sublime performance they give  you.

Throw out your pathetic rubber spatula and get yourself a plastic scraber instead. This one is so old that it has even taken the curved shape of the inside of the bowl...which means sublime performance.

Stainless steel scraper. Hygenic and easy to clean and if you sharpen the edge (which of course I did, being addicted to sharp edges), it's as good as any knife.

Best knife I've over owned. Purchased over 30 years ago (1993) and still performing sublimely. 36 cm blade.

"But it's just a stick, Daddy". 😅
"It's a rolling pin, and if you know how to use it, it's a multifunctional tool. You would be amazed how much you can do with "just a stick"". 

It's my "virgin": Sleek, beautiful curves, long skinny legs, easy to clean and...never used.

Spatula knife. Very well used, as the handle will tell  you, but that's exactly my point: Get good quality and your knife will last you a life-time. Cheap Chinese junk is simply not worth the money.

Meat cleaver. Used and abused...a LOT. Time to start looking around for my next one. But it won't be cheap Chinese junk, though.

The King of the kitchen. Your chef knife. I could talk about it for days, but "read the blade" and you know how to use it. Triple riveted with ergonomic handle for a rock solid choke. A chef knife is an absolute must in your kitchen. This is the European style chef knife (heavier, tougher, more versatile) as opposed to the Japanese style (lighter, sharper, more fragile).

Santoku style (or "vegetable") knife. Note the guard and the dug-out for your index finger, giving you sublime grip on the soft rubber handle.

Filet knife. Same great guard, which is mostly found on European style knives and I bought this set for the sublime, comfortable grip.

Again, they just feel really, really good in your hand and will bring you lots of joy and happiness. It's worth investing in your joy and happiness. This one is the "Jr. Chef" (short blade). Pay attention to the point of the knife, which extends "the reach" of the knife, even if shorter blade.

Ok, finally the paring knife. Basically the short blade version of the chef knife, for those "hand held" jobs like peeling apples and decoring them, etc. Finer, more intricate work. If you only ever buy two knives in your life, make it a chef knife and a paring knife (and put the long blade serated on your christmas wish list).

Plain, simple, easy but very delicious. Freshly cooked to perfection - still warm - pork tenderloin on sandwich of home-baked rye multigrain, with lettuce, BBQ sauce and raw greens.

Well, what can I say? Don't go crazy on your dieting. It doesn't make you look any more attractive.

"Last christmas/I gave you my heart/and the very next day/you gave it away/this christmas/to save me  from tears..." I'll eat it myself.

Kick-ass homemade popsicle, Viking style.

How about some homemade poutine with crispy bacon?

It's quality over price, flavour over looks. No cheap shit, here.
Daddy's sumo sized Viking dogs are worth all the hype. Comes with a cold Faxe.

Just like with people, 'pretty' doesn't = 'good'.
I don't like UAB's and much prefer ugly vegetables.

It's not a hamburger. It's a lamb burger. Love lamb for it's flavour

"Armenian Flat Breads". Not sure anyone in Yerevan would recognize them.

Citrus cake. If life is a lemon...add some lime.

My carrot cake. I HATE cream cheese. Absolutely despise it.

Lemon Chiffon with raspberry, kiwi & blueberry coulis.

A true Daddy Burger.

Lemon Chiffon gone food porn. Blackberry coulis.

Don't ever...ever...feed me "Wonderbread". Please and thank you.

Real bread. Daddy style. European style. We're talking nutrition.

Hot chocolate should be made with real chocolate.

Pure food porn.

Together with a pressure cooker, the wok is a must have in your kitchen.

Half the weight allowance on my plane to Canada; my Danish "aebleskive" pans in cast iron.

For the sake of your knife, let wood rule your life (in the kitchen).

Time for your bowl cut, dude. How big is your head?

Most people have no clue how to use a knife or a honing stone.

After the kill.

 Achtung, Baby. German Stollen by Karl-Heinz Schlappschwantz.

Yogurt with strawberry coulis. Very healthy.

Yogurt with demerera and citrus. An explosion of vitamin C.

Rye baguettes. Pre-"crematorium" stage.

Post-"crematorium" stage.

How to 'soup up" your apple pie.

Crepes, Daddy style.

Cherry white chocolate pie. Pies taken to a whole new level.

Red beet soup. Root vegetables rock. Just ask BECCY STABLES.

Plum & Madeira pie.

Wanna "go Dutch"?

It's called a crepe pan.

"One is not enough" in my kitchen. Stack up on quality.

Sorbet Arabica. made with real coffee and plenty of it, for us coffee addicts.

Alberto, this one's for you. Chili con carne, Daddy style.

Pineapple coconut sorbet. Want a squirt of rum in there?

Rye kernels. My favourite grain.

Green onions, up close and personal.

Home-made Muesli cereal, Daddy style.

Fuck Tim Horton's! I make them better and cheaper.

Seriously, I was told (by a girl) they look like little nipples. Is she right?

Ok, guys. Wipe that smirk off your face.

Not a word about Pol Pot. This is a good pot. Not an evil one.

...and what goes into Daddy's home-made muesli?

For those of you who don't know: Coco beans.

Can you name them? One point for each correct answer.

"She gave me wood". Guys love that.

ZZ Top "woke up with wood". It's a beautiful thing...wood.

Every Viking loves the concept of Ragnarok.

Rosemary

Not a big curry fan but if done properly I'm all in.

Pineapple lime sorbet.

Razor blades. They are for more than just shaving.

Coconut sorbet, presented on glazed tile.

My favourite addiction.

Ok, ok...I'll teach you how to make a shiny icing.

How would you know I like yogurt with demerera and coulis?

Daddy pizza, freshly cremated.

Ready for the crematorium (a.k.a. oven)

Jalapeno ice sorbet: "Fire & Ice". Hell just froze over.

Daddy's new toy: 46 cm (blade) pizza knife "Big Bubba".

Doing a bone broth.

Two people from the food world I find HUGELY inspiring: Chefs Rich Francis & Beccy Stables. 

Both incredibly talented, gifted and totally down to Earth.

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